catch a tiger by the toe

relationships. when i was a teenager, i was so eager to collect and devour all sorts of them. people are fascinating. their motives and how they change based on who/what they focus on. their decisions and the justifications that follow. the values under which a person creates the ideas that drive their life. fascinating.

years later, i still believe this of people, but the motives have become disappointingly predictable. i want to meet people who change my mind.

i wish i could meet more surprising people. people who aren’t afraid of intellect. who are honest and who are eager to make the most of time. i need people like that around me. i’ve made plenty of acquaintances this year and years prior who are content with a shallow life wasted blowing wherever the wind takes them.

i met a friend recently through casey. his name is scott, and he embodies the description i gave of people who truly surprise me. sincere, authentic, intellectual and unafraid. i enjoy his presence, but it also makes me sad.

i wish people like scott weren’t such a surprise. i’ve met so few people like that in my world, and when they enter they ignite something in everyone they know. the rest of the world is capable of ignition, but usually all they ignite is frustration for me.

until this year, i thought that everyone was truly surprising introspectively–so i wasted my time digging around in completely shallow people looking for surprises. and in time, that left me feeling more jaded and shallow and sad i spent time searching for some treasure that never existed.

people aren’t all intellectual. or analytical. most people just make choices because they seem right. or exciting. i always assumed all people were like me. not that i think of myself as the ultimate prototype, but i enjoy the way i muse over life and it’s minutes–however daunting it may sound to people who don’t understand me.

and i’ve wasted a lot of time this year on people who don’t understand me. that’s my fault, and it’s a mistake that won’t be revisited.

the older i get, the more ok i am with having several acquaintances and few friends that really know me. those few friends aren’t perfect, but they are worth everything to me and my processes. i don’t know if it’s normal to come to such a conclusion, but today those people who would like to truly know me have to prove themselves in time and value to me. and those people who aren’t willing or capable of proving it, i still enjoy–but i don’t hold stock in like i used to when i was younger.

this idea has gotten me through my frustration with people who don’t think like i do. because ultimately, i equally frustrate these people, because they don’t view the world as i do either. and i’m finally understanding that, however basic it is.

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