oh yeah,

i know i disappeared for half a year. i started talking about how I had a blog at work and then realized I haven’t posted since april, the month i: got a new job. i absolutely love it. i’m planning events AND managing marketing, which is essentially my dream job (after being an actress, but there’s always time for that later). i am working a lot of hours again like i did at my other event planning gig a couple of years ago, but i am really managing it well and i am working for such wonderful people. like, i can’t even explain how cool my bosses are. not like, i hope my bosses will one day read this and see how much of a kiss-up i am, but like i truly like and respect the people i work for and am learning a lot and enjoying it.

i feel so fortunate to have this opportunity. someone asked today how i am always smiling and nice (though i do get flustered sometimes!) with all the constant demands in the hospitality industry, and i got to thinking about what is motivating me. i think it is that i have gained another chance doing what i love at Stewbos & Merry Acres after coming out of a year of uncertainty after losing a job i loved so long ago. i have more confidence in my own gifts and abilities, and i am more eager to listen and learn in areas i am unfamiliar with. plus, my job is just plain fun and that is freeing and exciting in itself.

work is really my focus right now, and i am having a lot of fun with that, as nerdy as it sounds. i haven’t painted in about as long as it’s been since i’ve written, but i have really been craving it lately. hopefully i will do something new to post soon. justin and i are still dating. a year and a half next month, which is the longest relationship i have had. he is still entertaining and charming after all this time, so that must be a good sign. we both love our work about as much as we love each other, so we stay busy–but again, we love it that way!

that’s all for now!

we’ll carry on.

sometimes, i’ll forego the couch and just lay in the middle of the floor while staring at the ceiling. my job gets more incredible with time. the herald has invested a lot of training in me by letting me learn the ropes of multiple departments before throwing me into the mix. i’ve been trying to express gratitude for this as best i can, but ultimately it’s created a determination in me to invest back into the company. i’ve always had a great deal of loyalty to the constants in my world, but this is a little different. i was left to sink in my last job, and i barely treaded water long enough to grasp what i was doing. having been given the opportunity to absorb so much at the front end has been an experience i won’t forget.

having my weekends and afternoons back has also been a treat. a friend asked me last night if i could go to this awesome festival with him and his friends. immediately, i searched my mind. “what event is this weekend?” “do i have to go in to the office to catch up?” and no. no, i don’t have to do either of those things. because though the newspaper still works after i’m done, my part is essentially over once i pack up at the end of the day. this simple pleasure exhilarates me daily when the clock hits five.

i’ve come to terms with what happened at my last job. things will happen in life that don’t seem right, but ultimately someone feels justified in the decisions that may cause others heartache. i can’t live in fear of loss. i can’t worry to death that something might happen to one of my parents while i’m not around. i can’t pass up the opportunity to enjoy a date with you because i’ve liked people before whom i have misjudged. i can’t tape down the receiver of the phone at work because i don’t want to do telemarketing.

my mind would convince me it’s easier to sit still in sheer terror of all of these situations rather that just swallowing those natural inclinations to enjoy the ideas and people and things that come before fear. the ideas and people and things that i love. sometimes my dad gives me hard advice and it annoys me. i often want to walk out and pout about it until i’ve forgotten about it at my next visit, and sometimes i do. but often, i will just roll my eyes and sigh and make sure that i kiss him good night. because ultimately, i’m never promised another minute. and the time i spend feeding my ego being offended or being scared of hurting over losing things that were never mine–well, that time is ultimately wasted time.

i think so much about time, i write so much about time, i love so much about time. it’s such a paradox and a gift and an endless, unmeasurable tool by which we operate. i gave a lot of time to my previous job that i can never exchange. i missed a lot of bible studies and moments with my family. i lost love. i strained friendships. i pushed on and worked harder than i thought capable of me. it wasn’t an unbearable situation, but it was difficult and complex–and now i can appreciate things in a job that i once would have taken forgranted. i spent all of that remarkable amount of time in a constant state of learning, to learn many lessons early on in my career. so, i can’t say that i regret it.

i’m always overeager to find some meaning in how i’ve spent my time. sometimes, it’s a stretch. however, in this chapter i am satisfied with the conclusions i can draw thus far. i know i will draw on the experiences from the past sixteen months for the rest of my life. looking forward to using the knowledge i gained from any investment of time makes me feel much more accomplished than regretting in that time investment. so, we’ll forgive and we’ll carry on. because that truly is the easiest (and best) way i know how.

newspapers

i’m really digging my new job. i’m working for managers who are positive, full of knowledge and willing to share. i have coworkers who have gone above and beyond in lending me help in my first week. i have some experience in what i’m doing, enough to carry principles i’ve learned to where i’m at today. i can smile knowing that my previous career choices have ultimately prepared me for a wonderful today.

i wish i could do justice to a description of how cool the albany herald building is. there are fabulous nooks and crannies with departments hidden away inside. and it’s all tucked away under the remnants of a very vintage department store persona. this organization’s supportive culture and this building’s stunning physique have struck a familiar chord in who i am. finding a match has never felt so good.

everyone says i’m looking happier these days. i guess it’s hard to hide. my life feels like one big sigh of relief. i don’t have to fake feeling confident about myself, my career, my friendships, my art, my community involvement. i hate to sound like a braggart, but i am happy–something i haven’t felt in a while.

i feel like thanking everyone who has taken the time to believe in me. thank you for standing by me as i sacrificed my life to a difficult job for a year and a half. thank you for encouraging me when new opportunities presented their face. and thank you for loving me enough to stick around. for as many sunny day friends have made their exit from my world, i have a group of valuable people who really know how to clutch an umbrella. ultimately, thank you, Lord, for bringing me the people, the job, the talents. i’m more grateful than can be expressed even in the best of cliches.

i gave of myself last year in ways i will never be able to properly pen, and i’d like to believe that now i’m receiving return on my investment. and what a beautiful ROI this is. happy friday.