penny lane

this post isn’t all that thoughtful. i just want to document you here to keep, because i don’t know how life will move us forward.

twelve months. three hundred and sixty-five days. five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. one year. it’s almost been four season since i made a seemingly silly choice that became a main event in my life. the calendar starts to look familiar again and i start to look back at how things unfolded. you’re so significant for me, but no one would know. sometimes, i don’t think you really know. i hate depending on anyone, but it’s so easy to depend on you. i ramble trying to figure out what i’m feeling, and you listen and sum it all up in a phrase. you understand me, and that comforts and annoys me.

you’re my best friend. i spend more time with you than anyone. you know most everything about me, because you were impartial at first. you didn’t know them, and you didn’t know my real life. it was easy to talk to you that way. but now you are everywhere. i hate overthinking things, but i’m scared. you mean so much to me. caring for someone is such a vulnerable thing. depending on you makes me nervous. i need you to analyze me. i need you to laugh at me when i’m being overdramatic. i respect your advice so much, and i enjoy how my life is with you in it. it’s been almost a year, and we’ve been through a lot. a lot. and i like you being there as life continues.

i lose good things. it happens in life. you’re really important to me, and i hope i never lose you. no matter how much we’ve taken out on each other or how bad things have gotten, i love you and i appreciate you. thank you for being my best friend.