the andrews update

don’t know why i deleted this. so sweet……

i might as well give up on blogging. not really. i’ll post when i can, but life has been happening, y’all.

first things first, justin and i got married. we shotgunned it down at st. andrews at the beach with a few of our family members. i wondered if i would look back and regret not having some large extravaganza, but i am 100% happy with my decision. that small wedding was enough stress on its own. i can’t even imagine a multi-thousand dollar affair. i’m happy to continue planning those kind of large events for folks, but i’m glad i stuck to my guns and kept it intimate.

we also moved. i lived at marsh landing for three years, and it was such a cool little place. we live in house now with a pool, and it’s finally coming together after a few months!

we’re also having a baby. a little girl, vayda pharris. we just love the name vayda, and pharris is my great grandmother’s maiden name. her birthday was january 8th, so i’m hoping vayda will be here around that time (we’re due january 20th). only a few more months to go. pregnancy has been interesting. i’ve been sick literally every day since about week five. i was sick all day during my first trimester, but i’ve kept up the morning ‘routine’ everyday when i wake up. after over 150 consecutive days of throwing up, i’m feeling like a true champion.

justin has been really busy with some upcoming festivals and concerts he’s planning. i can’t wait until it gets time for the holidays and we can both slow down a little. it’ll actually be busy at my job during christmas with events, but i’ll be taking it easy since i’ll be eight months pregnant. 🙂 that’s just a little update for now!

not only, but also

the existential crisis i was kind of vague about in previous posts was regarding my work. i’m so dramatic. it’s amazing what a few weeks of perspective can achieve. even in these several days, i can look back and see where perseverance and vulnerability to change has gotten me over a hurdle into the centered environment i have longed for myself. what i’ve tried to articulate in previous posts is that i was passionate about my last job. i felt important. those brands resonated with me, because i took ownership and responsibility of all i could. i value the people i worked beside every day. 

for five years i had the same bosses. for five years i had the same career responsibilities. for five years i had the same mental projections about the future based on those essentials. again, i’m framing this very dramatically. i sought the ends to all of these things. even though i still get to do some part-time work with my old company, i can’t be as immersed i once was. for me, when i transition into a new role, i’m all in. my mind begins to soak in and soak up. i start noticing the world from that perspective, and the old point of view fades. it’s still there somewhere. it’s just not in the forefront. 

to be real and raw, it all just happened fast. i knew my marriage was ending far before papers were filed. we both did. that’s how we’re able to be friends now and raise our daughter together. but right after i filed, i decided i was moving to a new, clear space. and to a school zone for V’s future. then, i felt a prompting to look for jobs. i applied for two. i got called for this one, and i prayed for a specific offer. i told my mom if i got that, i was accepting it. and here we are.

that kind of faith leaves room for doubt, and it got to me for weeks. i picked up and left a lot of comfortable knowledge and command behind. for weeks, i only saw my parents and vayda. i didn’t even really tell them about work because i was too tired to articulate what i was learning. we finally got to the week before i moved and packed up the whole house, my mom, dad, and grandma. that was the turning point for me. it felt so light to give away all that burdened me, organizing it beautifully into a place that is mine and Vayda’s only. without realizing it, i was performing all my tasks with my own flair at work and feeling like a team member. i had gotten through a big event and two grants while maintaining my marketing functions. 

i was doubting myself in certain moments, but ultimately i knew in my core that my belief in myself and my values is what landed me in this position. in the past month since moving and having this realization, i am overcome with more peace than ever. i wasn’t suffering in unrest before. i was simply enjoying solitude while i meditated on the right direction for my life. but now that i have this peace, i find my productivity has increased tremendously, and i attract great opportunities in areas that i desire. i have several commissioned painting projects in my queue which brings my heart so much joy. i have graphic design clients i work on in my free time.

and i simply love my career. my job with the agency is something i am passionate about. it’s fast paced, i design all day, write grants, talk to the press–there is always something going on. it’s something that makes me proud. i can visualize a future now that makes me prouder than anything i previously imagined. 

wanting for nothing feels excellent. blessed is really all i can say about my life.

fingerpainting

here is a mural i fingerpainted on my bedroom wall growing up. i’m so grateful that my parents supported my creativity and allowed me to paint all over their home. this piece really means a lot to me because i painted it over the course of several years. it doesn’t have a lot of intrinsic meaning, really, but each fragment of the piece came from some song lyric i enjoyed or a memory i enjoyed musing over. then my friends started adding to it with notes and drawings, and i never even had the opportunity to feel alone or unloved when i had my friends’ colorful stuff on my wall and my parents down the hall. it really means a lot to have a family who supports the arts. thanks, mom and dad.

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turquoise & green

 

as i have previously mentioned, i worked in a ceramics studio through college. i got the opportunity to learn how to throw some simple things, and i hand painted them too. they are totally flawed, as far as balance–but that’s what makes them so fun and memorable. i will never be a potter, but learning the art and the difficulty of the trade made me appreciate the art that did come so easily to me.

i wrote a blog about the impact my pottery instructor had on my life. check it out here:
http://erinwhatley.com/2012/04/10/like-a-bull-in-a-china-shop/