old love note

finding such as this reminds me why my standard are so high for love.

“there is something about words that, i think, means a little more, when they are written. i dont mean to be long winded, but i wanted you to have something to wake to in the morning. i see you struggle with your self esteem nearly every day, and the way that it’s never far from your thoughts. nothing major, but i notice. i notice you cut your eyes when we walk past a window with your reflection. i notice the way the things you eat can change your mood a little. most people dont, but i do. i notice them because i love you, and i cherish the way you look. i want you to know that if you worry about the way you look for the rest of your life, i wont care. i think your beauty is exquisite right now, when you weigh 180. ill think you’re beautiful when you weigh 174 in a week or so, and ill think you’re beautiful if you weight 203. it doesnt really matter to me.

my teacher made us read about all these artists who tried to define what made art, art. one guy said that he thought the way you looked at a woman was different than the way you look at something that was crafted. he went on and said that kind of beauty fit more in the category of rhythm. im learning how to look at art, and decide what makes something more beautiful than the next. i dont need to compare you to another, or fit you into a different category to know you are perfectly unique and wonderful. you fit into a class of your own. not rhythm or beauty or craft. even photos that i love get old to me, but i never get tired of looking at you. and, i never get tired of your big smile after a long day.

im learning to admire you more and more erin whatley because you really are an amazing person. all the kind things ive said, and all the things ive said that the boys have said before me, are more than true. all the lines about your eyes and your smile are from a poem you wrote me with your glances. poets and writers spend their lives telling the story of the great loves. in this scene they beat all the odds and spend their lives together, or in this stanza he swoons over her beautifully made features… love at first sight. i think ive found the love people write about and make movies about, and im completely committed to this. i just wanted you to know at nearly four in the morning, the way i felt about you. completely in love, and completely committed to you. i love you erin whatley, and i always will.”

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