man, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible night.

“some nights i stay up cashing in my bad luck. some nights i call it a draw. some nights i wish that my lips could build a castle. some nights i wish they’d just fall off. but i still wake up. i still see your ghost. oh Lord, i’m still not sure what i stand for. what do i stand for? what do i stand for? most nights i don’t know anymore…and some nights i’m scared you’ll forget me again. some nights i’ll always win.”

why is it hard to do things when i’m sad? it’s hard to go to sleep at night because my mind is racing. then when my brain slows down enough to sleep i don’t want to get up in the morning. today was hard. i have a lot going on in my heart that has been making it hard to function. but i’m forcing myself to keep going. it’s the only way. even if i want to show the world who i am in honesty, people are going to see through their filters. it just sucks when that filter is a bad choice of mine and it’s the wrong filter. i can wallow here, which i know i will want to. or i can pick up all my pieces once again and keep walking toward who i need to be.

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