i can’t sleep because henry has decided that 1:30AM is time to attack my feet. he’s probably trying to kick me out of his bed and back onto the couch.
tonight i did the same things i always do, except i decided to do them without drinking. i like going to the harvest moon. i like watching my friends laugh and seeing old friends home for holiday weekends like this one. i watched people having a good time. i watched people do things that would cause fights with their significant other later. i watched hugs and laughter and conversations both silly and serious.
eventually i felt out of place at my favorite hang out. i didn’t want to go anywhere else but home. as i walked out to the parking lot by myself to deliver kristin’s car home, the moment felt television extreme. it felt good to feel sucky about taking the long walk to the back alone. that sounds so nutty.
i guess i was just glad to be able to embrace the reality of the moment. no fuzzing up my mind with alcohol to cover something up that will exist tomorrow. no searching for anything at the bar. no drama. no games. just along for the ride. i felt confident in my independence, and it was a happy familiar. i like the idea of getting older and having my habits set. i like feeling stable and secure in myself and my ability to provide a life for me and my future. i’m grateful the Lord has been patient as i frivolously partied all the time like it had some worth for me all this time.
i think henry is going to accept sharing the bed with me tonight. he’s snoring and i’ve been sleepy since ten.